And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
