Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
