I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize