I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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