he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
