I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
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It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
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Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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