I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
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I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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