tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
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So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
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I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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