I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
