literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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