last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
