Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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