You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
