that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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