have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
