I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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