it wasn't lemon gatorade
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
