Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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