..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
