so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
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i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
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i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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