I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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