why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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