So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
