i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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