Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
