(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Randomize
