Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
