So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
