Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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