I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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