If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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