hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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