You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
