Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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