I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
