No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
