As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
