My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you win again, gameday.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
