it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
