My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
