Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
