A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just forgot I was standing up.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
