he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
