Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
