I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
