I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He felt like a one man threesome
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
