I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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