I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
