sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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