oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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