i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
it's great music for shaving your balls
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
