Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
