his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
