I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Sorry about my life...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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