Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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