Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
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She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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