so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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