So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
