Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
