I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
