He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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