Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
