Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
