I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
